As adults, we tend to get caught up in societal expectations of success and our own individual pressures in succeeding which means envy tends to look a bit like this “I wish that was me. I think I could have done that role justice too. I wonder how they managed to make it onto that TV show? What can I do to get better at my craft?”. When I feel those moments of envy, I realise that the reason I feel that way is because it’s what I want or feel is missing from my life. Envy doesn’t have to be negative; we can use it for good and change the way in which we approach those feelings. I’d like to share with you what envy tells us, how we can use it to our advantage and how to turn it into self- improvement. It is important to be able to navigate people that are envious of YOU too and how to take it as a compliment!
In the past when I experienced people’s envy, I would look at myself and think “why do they give me a difficult time, I’ve not got anything special?”. Guess what, I do and you do! We are all unique and have something that distinguishes us from someone else. At some point in life someone will envy you even if it’s a stranger at an audition or it’s a friend. Why? Well, first it isn’t necessarily about you. In fact it’s about THEM and THEIR insecurities. Sometimes, we don’t like what we see in the mirror, a personality flaw or the way our life is at present and that can also call upon the green-eyed monster. When someone around us seems to be succeeding we go into this never ending spiral “I’m never going to get there! I deserve that more than them!” Am I right? However, you couldn’t be further from the truth because they DO deserve it too and you can achieve anything you want if you stop worrying about someone else and focus your energy on YOU. When I see someone that looks good, has a quality I wish I had or a great career, I make sure I tell them or ask for advice – no matter how awkward it is on the tube ride after. Here’s what I have learnt and how we don’t have to let the emotion of envy win:
WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF
Make a list of every time you have felt really crippled by envy. Underneath write down what it is you were envious of. Be honest too! Now go over that list and ask yourself could it be something you could also possess? If yes, great – work towards that. If not, then that’s fine let it go and write down something similar you love about yourself instead. If you are experiencing envy from someone else, write down what that person is envious of and feel grateful to possess that quality.
Self – worth kicks envy to the curb. When you truly love yourself and believe yourself to be worthy of great things, you don’t feel envy because you feel you are GOOD ENOUGH. Create your own positive affirmation to help in those moments of self-doubt. An affirmation is a positive statement about yourself that you can use to encourage and nurture your mindset! Loving yourself is positive and when you do that, you are able to love others more too. Affirmations are my go to when I am feeling low or doubting my own abilities. I like these the most:
“I am kind, caring and giving. The world will be kind, caring and give back to me”
“I am taking the right steps towards my own success”
Make it personal to you. I know they sound cheesy but let me throw some truth bombs on you! In 2005 there was a very interesting article published by the National Science Foundation about the research that was conducted on human thoughts. According to the results, the average person has 12,000 – 60,000 thoughts per day and out of all those 80% of them are negative. What is even more interesting is that 95% of all our thoughts are repetitive form the previous day which means, if you have a negative day it is carried through to the next. Woah! Now, what does that tell us overall? That our mindset is based on the internal communication we have with ourselves. If you are constantly putting yourself down or feeling envy toward others then it’s very likely to become a habitual pattern in your brain. So how about we change that narrative and feed ourselves more positive thoughts and self-love? Go and write that affirmation pronto and have it ready for whenever you need it!
COMPLIMENT / CONGRATULATE OTHERS & YOURSELF
I challenge you to compliment and congratulate 1 person a day. Don’t freak out, 1 person is you, so on day’s when you’re alone, compliment and congratulate yourself. If you’re at an audition and that guy opposite you has the best beard – tell him. If that girl has the most amazing personality trait or mannerism – tell her! I like to congratulate other’s on their success and I can honestly tell you that what I have put out has come back to me tenfold. Other people also feel happy for me because my theory is, you’ve effortlessly created a supportive group of friends that each share a common goal – to uplift and share in each other’s success AND happiness. After following all my pointers, I guarantee you will be able to be inspired by other people’s lives and attend auditions and events ready to be a kinder and happier YOU.
USE ENVY AS A COMPASS NAVIGATING YOU TO WHAT YOUR GOALS SHOULD BE
“Nothing is limited – not resources or anything else. It is only limited in the human mind. When we open our minds to the unlimited creative power, we will call fourth abundance and see and experience a whole new world” – The Secret By Rhonda Byrne
In other words, if the universe is limitless then why would someone else being successful or beautiful take that away from you? There is enough resources right? That means there is enough for all of us. Success is personal and everyone’s definition is different too. So don’t envy those that do well but rather use it as a guide to reach for what you want. If you envy what they have it means you want it. Great – go and get it too because there is no limit. In conclusion, being in control of your mindset and letting go of envy will allow you to have more time to focus on your goals and self-improvement as an actor and individual. Use those feelings to navigate what you want from life. If you are feeling envious of people for their work success or time to themselves it mean’s you want that in your life. Create a vision board or a list of goals to help you achieve it. “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it” – Maya Angelou
Don’t waste the valuable time of chasing your dreams because you’re too busy watching someone else achieve theirs. Use it as inspiration and encouragement that if they can, so can you!
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